Another Way to Hold It
About grief… and the peace that sometimes appears too
This post is also available in Spanish. Read it here
When we go through a deep loss…
there is something that becomes very natural: pain takes over everything.
And it makes sense.
And it is valid.
And it is human.
Because when love is that big…
its absence feels just as big.
There are moments when the body can’t take it anymore.
When the mind repeats the same thoughts over and over again.
When the heart only knows how to say:
“this shouldn’t have happened.”
And in those moments, there is nothing to fix.
But with time…
sometimes very slowly…
something different begins to appear.
Not as a replacement for the pain.
Not to take it away.
But alongside it.
Small moments of calm.
A deeper breath.
An instant when the body softens… even if just a little.
And that peace… even if brief… can feel confusing.
Because it doesn’t make sense.
It doesn’t match what happened.
It doesn’t “fit” with the pain.
That’s why people often say
it’s a peace that cannot be explained…
a peace that even goes beyond understanding.
And when it appears…
a part of us doubts.
“How can I feel this… after what happened?”
But that peace is not the absence of love.
It is love finding another way to stay.
Because love doesn’t disappear. It simply changes form.
Sometimes it becomes a memory that doesn’t break you.
Sometimes a gentle feeling.
Sometimes a presence you cannot see… but you can feel.
And yes…
there are moments when the pain is so strong
that it leaves no room for anything else.
And that too is part of the journey.
But when the pain softens… even for a few seconds that connection can appear.
Not forced.
Not searched for.
It simply… appears.
And it is not something external.
It is something that still exists…
but that we are now learning to perceive in a different way.
So if at any moment you feel a bit of peace…
don’t push it away.
It doesn’t mean you forgot.
It doesn’t mean you loved any less.
It means your heart
is finding a wider way to hold love.
A way where pain and peace can coexist.
And where loving is no longer only about missing… but also about feeling.
With love,
Mom Nubia 💙
❤️💙❤️